4am *yawn* 0400

It is now 4am and I have been awake for probably an hour now. And I had this sudden need to write. Really I should be writing everyday for at least 5 minutes if I ever plan on finishing one of my books. But this is beside the point.
I wake up at times (more often than not) early in the morning, usually closer to 2am or 5am, this time it was in between. And I delve deep in thought. Always about the most random things. I do my best thinking, problem-solving, and creativity at these times - which is why I really should invest in a bedside lamp so that I may write things down. Anyways, off topic. This mornings dwellings lay on the topic of God and where I stand with the Big Guy.
I am a relatively new New Age Christian, as I like to call myself (I was raised Christian, just never associated myself as one). You are probably wondering what a 'New Age' Christian means.
First, I will explain why I dont just call myself a Christian period. I have always struggled with accepting the 'title', so-to-speak, of Christian because of the criticism that comes with it. The fact is, I know the criticism very well, I am one of its critics. Still am. I did not - still dont - wish to be associated with the hate-filled, prejudiced, so-called 'Christians'. A true Christian is to aspire to be like Jesus. I have a hard time picturing Jesus picketing against abortions and homosexuals, dont you? God is very much about freewill that he has gifted to us - that includes our sex lives and the consequences there-of. Im not saying Jesus would be okay with it, he would just go about it differently. I see him going to individuals directly and separately talking to each one, not getting angry-gangs together yelling at people for their choices in life.
Honestly, who are we to judge what is the bigger sin here on Earth?! Even murderers can get in to Heaven, as long as they have truly accepted Jesus in to their hearts before passing on. So why judge only the select few who are sinning? I dont see a big uproar over infidelity. Or disrespecting our elderly. And those are only two of the ten commandments. Homosexuality and abortions are not even on that list. So why get angry at those two specifically.
Im going to move on, because, honestly, I could go on quite the rant on this topic. So, point of the mini-rant, I am NOT one of those 'Christians', nor am I a pushy-Christian trying to suffocate you with the Almighty God.
So, I am a New Age Christian. Meaning, I am an open-minded, non-judgmental Christian. I dont take peoples twisted views of what it is to be Christian and run with it, I question everything and everyone - just ask my pastor! And I am comfortable with this-said 'title' because who would ever group a New Age Christian with all the poser-Christians. An idiot.

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Back to my late-night wanderings.

I realised that there was this one crucial moment in my life that defined my spiritual path and where it has lead.
A moment that could have changed my very-being. Which is why I would not change it for the world. This moment could have pushed me toward God very early on in my life, instead of so much later. But had it been the other path I discovered, I may never have truly found the real 'me' nor have had my daughter. It was one domino that lead a cascade of domino-moments.
This moment was back in the 90s and I was probably about nine years old. I grew up in a tiny town (village) so small that you cannot find data on it individually, other than its location, if you Googled it. The closest you can get is the Township of East Hawkesbury, which has a grand total population of 3400 people and made up of 22 communities. You get the idea.
Every year to celebrate Victoria Day, there was the May Festival. The main street in Vankleek Hill (the neighbouring town to mine and also one of the 22 communities) was closed down for the festivities. One of the attractions along the street was a Kids Bible Story Trailer. Kids went inside, saw a puppet show, and left. I stayed behind.
I had a question to ask, so I stayed back to ask. Who better to ask than the person in the Kids Bible Story Trailer, right? Wrong.
I asked the man (I dont remember if he was a pastor or parishioner), 'How do you know that God is real?'. Not an easy question to answer. But his response was overly simplified and lacked actual information for my young inquisitive mind. 'You just believe.' was his response. This did not answer my question, it just produced more; such as, 'why should I believe?' and 'how do I know that what Im believing is real?'... oh, wait, theres a shocker. The same question, different attire.
Needless to say, I left that trailer not knowing why I should believe or how to know He was even real.
And that was a crucial moment in my spiritual development. It would take years (14 to be exact) before I started to explore what my spirituality even was, and longer for me to re-examine the question of the reality 'God'.